Letting go ...

Written a good four and half thousand words today, based on the cluster of the phrase 'Letting go ...'
can't publish it here, mainly because its still a mess as it was free flowing without the stopping to edit or correct spelling, plus i may want to use some of it on my writing course.

still today (Thursday 20th) was a lot better than yesterday when absolutely nothing came to me, except a little bit of conversation that i haven't looked back on yet, but still. it was a drip from the tap that gushed out today.
So i'm feeling better about myself...so of to eat something now...     

theviewingfoot: Lonesound - James Ewers

https://www.facebook.com/lonesound

Lonesound - James Ewers

Fab stuff from James Ewers one of the UK's most talented singer songwriters...

Hopefully  you'll like him on FB

https://www.facebook.com/lonesound

The Truth isn't what it use to be

This is an unedited piece of free-writing ... it doesn't quite make sense it doesn't really have to, the writing exercise is all about freeing/limbering up and thinking about dialogue. The woman's text is indented.

 

The truth is not what it used to be, I mean our lives are so different now, different from when we first met.

Different, how?

Well we were young and had it all to do and well we've done most of it and I’m not young anymore, neither are you... the truth is ... I’m tired, i don't like loud noises anymore or the aggressive hustle and bustle, i want to wake up next to a field.

Would you like one with sheep in it?

Yeh, that would be nice, or cows ... but sheep would be better, you can have a giggle at a sheep, don't really think you can do that with a cow.

What about goats and chickens

yeh, but well, don't goats eat everything, chicken would take up some responsibility, maybe that's something you'd like. If we changed things around.

Yeh, maybe ... One thing though,

What

Don't you still love me, i mean we have had sex for about a month now, and when we do, well its we don't do anything much for long .. You know.

Yeh, i know, as i say I’m tired, i think it’s all linked in, you know, tired of this life, here.

What about the children

They've grown, they're adults now, it’s not like they can't get on a train and come visit, besides it might do them good to see another life style. They may even come around to liking it so much we'll have to build an annex for them, or a room over the detached garage.

I want to undress in front of you

Okay!

Well what do you think of my body now, you loved it when we were young, but its easy to love an younger woman’s body. Do you still find me attractive?

Yes, of course i do.

Really, can you still get an erection looking at me nude, you use to, pre-children at least. These over hangs at the sides, my boobs have dropped a good two inches gravities winning against me. So you really still want this?

This isn't about what we look like, not then when we were young or what we look like now. We've lived here for twenty-five years. It's not the same place, new people not always good people, the built up surrounding the street, it’s about the daily grind i tell you, it’s all linked in to me needing a change, I’ve slumped let's admit it. And i think you’re in the doldrums, your still beautiful, your thighs, boobs all of you, honest!

You've had an affair haven't you, just admit it, i can tell it happened last year didn't it, but its no longer alive.. You’ve had a younger woman haven't you. All nice and bouncy curves.

It brought me back to you, it brought me back to our marriage, sorry, i just, i just needed it. I slumped, I’ve told you. Sorry.

Why do i feel like the failure?

You’re not a failure; you've never been a failure

So why didn't you come to me, and say I’m in a slump help me out of it.

I needed something outside i suppose, a fresh ... something, almost like a holiday. I'm sorry okay, i should've have done it... The truth is i just needed freshness, newness. Ah shit i can't find all the words. I didn't love her, i love you ... it brought me back to you in a way.

So this move to the country, it’s about loving me in a fresh way, is that it.

Yes, when you put it like that, yes.

Didn't you make her cum, the same way you do for me?

What!

Did you do all the things we do or use to do or did you do things different.

Eh, i think i let her lead on those things, so not entirely.

That hurts, you've shared the way you have with me with another... did she know, di you tell her "this is how i make my wife orgasm" did you?'

I said this is the only way i know how, so i guess in a around about way i did.

Did you talk about me?

Yes, in the context of my whole life.

Oh, right then. What did you tell her about me?

There was never anything bad, never a negative word passed my lips about you. She would ask me why i loved you, how i loved you. She knew i was never going to leave you, she didn't want me to, she understood in a way.

Understood what, about you needing freshness.

And about feeling lost in my own life, wondering around in a daze how i had out growning the life we have right now.

That time we made lov! We had sex and you made those different maneuverers with me, was that her.

Yes, she showed me things, new things...

Well, in a way i guess we both slumped, i mean we should have been more adventurous, looking up new things to try. Wished i had done that now.

Please honey, i don't want us to break up over this, this was never about not wanting you, if anything i want you now more than ever.

Okay, maybe I’ll have an affair; learn new ways to please you, maybe though I’ll find myself wanting something different for a new life. I mean you’ve opened up so many new possibilities i wonder what paths are waiting for me to walk down,. And what kind of man will lead me to them, unearth in me what i really want. You know i feel like an unopened treasure chest, its suddenly came over me, feeling like an unopened treasure chest.

I'd like to be the one that opened it.

Really, i not sure. I'm undecided; i may want fresh hands to open it. Fresh hands all over my body, rediscovering me, seeing me in a new way. Not the same old tired sucking on my nipples the way you do. Yours right about the freshness, you see the hunger has gone out of your lovemaking, i though it was just us getting older, the flaming not being of our youth. But no, it’s not that, you’re bored of me... well guess what I’m bored of you.

Honey, I’m not bored of you, just of this life we have.

I know your lying, not lying in a bad way, your lying in a way that you want what you say to be a truth. I think it’s time we took a break from each other, that's my proposal. At the end of my fling, if i still love you, if my fling brings me back to you. Then we'll move somewhere new... but i want a new man, a new cock inside me, wonder what that feels like, the taste of another man’s sperm, all those things.

Can't we just...

No, we can't you see, the truth is ... you've opened up the same actions for me, to give me a shot at this thing you call freshness, i feel it now too  and i mean to taste it for myself.

Your Right, you now, the truth isn't what it used to be...  I'll pack a bag … bye for now.

3 min writing excercise - part two

End of the Affair
She's gonna save a fortune on hotels rooms, ah gee, be flippant about it, why not eh.
God life's gonna go back to being the same, boring day to day. Only I'll have her to wonder about, to hide from the wife, pretend the glint is all about her.
She was a fantasy, like a beach you see in the brochures, that beautiful turquoise. God I'll miss swimming in that.
They way she undressed, the way her panties would simmer down her legs.
The initial spark jolted me out of my humdrum into a world of beautiful hotels that i could never afford, she always paid. Always wondered what she got out of me, me, who am i to give what's needed to perfection on legs.
I'm sitting here in the bouquet hotel called 'Mayflower' its so pretty very new England in its styling. The ignition in the old fella was all geared-up, even though we knew the initial spark had pass a short time ago.
The rooms empty, just a little present of a gold tie pin and a white card saying 'bye.'

Writing excerise - Cluster word used - FAME

Fame -
Hey Ma, standing on top of the mountain ma, amazing this view, they say it wont last long, but hey you never know.
It never got to number one over the first weekend, sold half of the first one, but hey that's okay, still got the limo, still cruising along the Hollywood avenues.
Hey Ma, don't pay no heed to the papers and those cocaine stories, you know what the papers are like, and that photo with a stripper, hey I'm young its cool,
just a wild night, don't worry okay.
Hey Ma, I'm gonna be on TV, celebrity big brother, its a re-launch, listen you know i love you right. But I'm gonna have to stop texting you stuff,
cos you seem to be, like you know talking to the papers, man your telling them all sorts of private stuff, you know maybe its not just you it could be friends,
well so-called friends , think i must have left my phone at one of their houses and they accessed it.
I mean its killed the marriage to Kitty, now i know you didn't approve of her, but those pictures are on the interment, they'll never come down...
oh btw way the kids sent their love.