Freewriting - It surprised me when ...

It surprised me when ...

It surprised me when ... she took those little skimpy panties off, i mean how can you hide such a thing. I couldn’t even feel the bulge back in the bar, ah seesh only got the night left before I’m back on ship and I’m stuck with a... whatever, in some neon hotel room with god awful pink dirty walls and no light shade...  am kinda hating myself, it’s not the creature in front of me it’s the surroundings., I like tidy, I’m drilled into being spik’an‘span... ah well it’s a life experience; right.

I mean at least there’s the top half, i mean I’m only 18 and this is the first time i been anywhere outside Virginia. Ah shit nobody need know, right, i mean what adult don't have secrets and done things they wished they hadn't but glad they did... i think this is my first of those...

Hey how did you hide that from me i ask, she laughs and says practice... Looks she says getting on the bed… i got the whole menu sailor boy...

 Holy fuckin god’ she really does... I’m drunk and kinda need to sleep with someone, you know for that pretend intimacy that gets you through those long nights and tiring days.. i mean i'm off to the gulf, what if i die and i aint never experienced nothing in life, a white sheet of blank paper no life marks on it. How unlived is that,  i wanna life man i wanna swing from the trees and be the king of the swingers like good old baloo the bear that's me.

It’s still strange being naked with another person, i usually don't feel right see i take a long time to settle, it takes time to trust. I remember my grans backyard with the inflatable pool and all the other kids running around in swimming gear like birds that fly swooping catching the baitball fish that the dolphins create.

I got a picture in my wallet somewhere i should show her; show her I’m a real person and not just drunken sailor who ain't got feelings. Like the song, a like bird on the wire floating on the breeze and running like a candle in the wind. It’s nice to hold her, feeling so close i can see right through her eyes she's a long way from home too, like me a ship in the night mine a big old metal bucket hers a small little wooden sloop. But still two lost ships in the night looking for a port to call home till morning comes and we have to wade through the trash filled streets to the place we curl and sleep for real.

 She sure kiss like a woman, and you know feeling her penis aint' so bad it’s just like her feeling me right? And well underneath are the lady parts so it’s all good. So warm, so loving, so touchy and feely... this is what i needs what i wants. Ahhh yeh ... i'll loss myself with her this one night.... she does' all those things so.... Nice. Am just gonna lay back on the pillow and let it all happen to me, cos you know love can sometimes be like this, right?.